Of pink dolls, blue cars and lots of frustration

I hadn't planned on posting again so soon, but I have to discuss this.
Today, in the Magazine course Fb-group of my uni, this picture was posted. It is from an American magazine dedicated to One Direction, and is so saturated with vitriolic bitchiness and all-out hatred that I don't even know where to begin. And this is a magazine aimed at pre-teen girls. It is a clusterfuck of every bad message you could possibly send to this age group. It tells girls that the only validation that matters is an engagement ring, that being 32 years old is considered old, that having the merest hint of wrinkles or blemishes anywhere is a capital offence, and that bullying and jealousy of other girls/women who have what you want is the way to go. It's Mean Girls all over again, only even more venomous and without the funny bits.
Thankfully, we weren't the only ones to be outraged about this, as commenting pieces have appeared on the websites of the Independent and the Guardian. They also point out that the feature is solely concerned with the hated woman's part in the relationship; the One Direction member that was involved isn't mentioned anywhere, and isn't deplored at all for his choice of who to date.

Sexism

Now that I think of it, this same trend can be seen in the coverage of the whole Kristen Stewart and Rupert Sanders cheat-fest. While she is called every foul name possible (and her ex-boyfriend Robert Pattinson is consoled as the dupe) for 'seducing' Sanders, her director in Snow White, he is nowhere near attacked as much as she is. Though Sanders is the one with the wife and two children. Even worse, apparently he will still be directing the (supposed) sequel to Snow White, while Stewart has reportedly been booted off the cast.

This brings me to the underlying issue: sexism. Roll your eyes all you want, but our first-world, technologically developed, filthy rich society is saturated with it. And I'm not talking about the overly religious fringes of that society.
Whether it's Lego coming up with a new line of 'Lego Friends' to cater to what they think girls have been missing from good ol' regular Lego, every women's magazine on the planet being drenched in pink, or boys being told not to cry because "they don't want people to think they're a girl, now do they?", sexism is omnipresent - and going both ways, too.

The article from the Guardian I mentioned earlier connected me to the Everyday Sexism Project, a website where people (specifically women, though men do comment) are invited to share their experiences of sexism.
It must be said here that apparently sexism here is linked exclusively to women being negatively impacted by it, when of course men are also pressured into the 'manly and strong' gender role that society has set for them. But it cannot be denied that these stereotypes for men are often empowering and uplifting and less about oppression than female-oriented sexism is. Women are often dumbed down, objectified, infantilised and generally considered not equal (and weaker) to men.
That sounds like quite a list of grievances, but it's a sad truth that many of us do and say sexist things without even thinking about it. Reading through the list of reactions on the Project, I realised that where I had previously thought I wasn't a victim of this, I had in fact been subjected to it myself in the most inane ways.

When I was about 7 years old, a girl in my class had just joined the girls' football team in my town. When I asked my mother if I could join too, she told me football was a boys' sport, and it would give me ugly (bruised) legs.
A short five years later, we had moved to a place where most of my female classmates played field hockey. This I was allowed to join, as it has a long record of being a sport for both men and women on a high level. Never mind that field hockey is just as much if not more brutal than football is; I don't see football players wearing a mouth guard.
And then there's the more recent examples of being hissed at when walking down the street ( brilliant documentary about that here), having my ass grabbed in a club, and being patronizingly patted on the shoulder that "don't worry, you'll find a boyfriend soon". Not to mention the looks I get when I buy a dedicated gaming magazine.

Not just ass-hats

And that's just the tip of the iceberg. Judging from what I read on the Project, I can count my lucky stars I never had to wear a school uniform. It seems to be an inexorable attraction to all manner of Creepy McWeirdos, no matter that the girls wearing them are invariably underage.

Still, I know there will be people who jump immediately from the sexism branch to the feminism shtick, citing all sorts of ridiculous examples where women go batshit crazy when you hold the door for them. That's not what this blog post is about; I'd like to address the big issues, like female doctors often being mistaken for nurses (and male nurses for doctors, for that matter), women being asked at a job interview whether they plan on having a baby soon, and assault/rape victims being asked first of all what they were wearing when the raping/assaulting occurred.
For a detailed and very 'nail on the head' analysis of what's wrong with today's views on women, read this decidedly more serious article on Cracked.com and get enlightened. Granted, this article focuses heavily on men and generalizes quite a bit, before I get any rabidly insulted men on my hands here. A lot of sexism is unconsciously done, while the worst excesses are only perpetrated by entitled ass-hats and douchebags who think they're funny when they ask for a sandwich.
Also, the article brilliantly explains why most guys who complain about 'friendzoning' are just completely wrong. Sure, the woman doesn't need to take advantage of your feelings, ridicule you or be a bitch about it, but she has a right not to go out with you.

But the real problem of sexism lies in the fact that we, women, ourselves do it. Women are raised in an environment where the division between 'girl things' and 'boy things' is so far-reaching, that we sometimes don't even register that it's there.
It starts at birth, where boys are blue and girls are pink. As a militant pink-hater since the moment I realised there were other (often non-sparkly) colours to choose from, I am angered by this automatic classification. It's like infant baptism: completely disregarding the wishes of the person that baby will become, and a massive impact on the child's identity. If (see I said 'if', not 'when'?) I ever have a child, the nursery will be yellow. Or green.
Another obvious case is the toy store with the aisle markers "boys' toys" and "girls' toys", not once stopping to think that a girl might like Lego or a Hot Wheels car, and a boy might want to play with play-doh or - heaven forbid - a doll. I bet that would go over well with his father... unless there is the loophole called 'action figure'. I hear that gem saved G.I. Joe, Action Man and Transformers many a time.
Thirdly, the sad fact that women call each other sluts, bitches and whores, and all with the same strangely envious vitriol we saw in the One Direction article. We talk about sexual equality, but where an older man is still applauded for catching a young, attractive woman, in the opposite situation an older woman is called a cougar or just desperate, and is not praised at all. And let's not even begin to cover sexual promiscuity and romance in general; this is the mother load of double standards, sadly enforced by women just as much as men. Look at any Cosmopolitan cover for the evidence; everything is geared towards meeting the standards "your man" sets for you.
Last example of how insidious sexism is: why do (Anglo-Saxon, as far as I know) people insist on introducing newly-weds as "Mr and Mrs John Smith", as if the woman has suddenly lost her entire name? I know women traditionally changed their last name, but this is ridiculous. But maybe they expect that she no longer has a life independent of her husband and will henceforth be known as "the wife", or "the missus". But astonishingly, when this happens, not once have I seen the blushing bride stop smiling and turn to the speaker to correct him. No, she just waves, throws a bouquet and accepts well-wishes and hopes for a quick pregnancy.

Overboard

If all these grievances of sexism against women are so valid, then why does 'feminism' have a bad name these days? Because some women do go apeshit with it and focus on tiny, inconsequential, nitpicky details that distract from and lend absurdity to the main issue.

For example, I've seen a complaint on the Project page from a woman who objected to the use of the word 'lady' when addressing women, as this conveyed a whole slew of preconceived, paternalistic notions about women. Personally, I don't see what's wrong with it. I'd rather be called "that lady over there" than "that girl", "that hag", or "that woman". Although, it's all a matter of intonation. If the person says "lady" but you can hear that they actually mean "bitch from hell", yeah, I guess I'd have a problem with it.
Or another woman, who disapproved of Sebastian Coe using in his speech at the Olympics the words "mankind" and "countrymen". Also on this bandwagon, someone who complained about a supermarket having "manned tills". THAT'S JUST LANGUAGE! What else do you want them to say?! I suppose "staffed tills" is also a possibility, but what could you possibly use as a non-contrived substitute for "mankind" and "countrymen"? Yes, the phrasing is male because sadly, our society is inherently paternalistic and male-oriented and therefore the language that evolves within that society is as well. But any moron knows that Coe was not exclusively addressing the male part of his audience when he said this.

And these are the women who, in their razor-sharp discernment of what is even the tiniest bit unequal, make the entire, huge problem seem trivial and not worth debating. Because there is still structural sexism present in all parts of society. Whether it's the female employee who always gets asked to make coffee, the wine in a restaurant always being presented to the man to taste, or the construction workers yelling "nice rack" to a woman on the way to the bus stop.
It is also these women who make feminism seem a stronghold of humourless, lesbian manhaters. Features that by no means have to coincide with each other, nor with feminism. Personally, I hate it when people (men) say I have no sense of humour if I don't laugh about the umpteenth joke about woman+kitchen=sandwich, or woman+car=idiocy. If it's funny, I'll laugh. Even about female and male stereotypes. But there is a difference between good-natured kidding, and jokes with decidedly malevolent undertones. Like rape jokes. There is nothing funny about that, and there never will be.

But what a lot of these women also forget is that it's not about creating a new forced mould that women have to fit into: we have to have a career, we have to keep our own name, we have to have equal representation in politics (who wants to be a politician?), we have to have our own finances, etc.
These are just some of the options we're supposed to have; the whole point of this feminism and equality thing is that we should have the choice to do or not do everything we want, same as men should. If a man wants to stay home and care for the kids, he should be able to do so without being ridiculed or called a 'sissy'. If a woman genuinely wants to stay home and care for the kids, she should also be able to do so without hardcore feminazis reprimanding her for not getting a career like an empowered woman should.

Personally, I come from a happy home life where my parents have been together for almost 35 years, my mother is a home maker and she took my father's surname, but I have never seen her as unequal in their relationship. And at the risk of sounding horribly old-fashioned, I kind of like the symbolism of taking my hypothetical future husband's name - unless it is something deeply embarrassing. I like my own last name, but the spelling and pronunciation are impractical in an international environment, and I have two brothers so the name probably won't die out.
But this, along with staying home with the kids - which is something I haven't figured out for myself yet - is a very unpopular view among modern women, and once more enforces the fact that we sometimes are our own worst critics.

Uphill battle

I could go on and on about it, giving examples left and right, but in the end it does come down to people individually, and whether they actively see gender inequality as an existing problem or not. Some will say "boys will be boys", and that it's just in a man's nature to see women as a talking pair of boobs.
But the fact remains that if we ourselves don't speak up and say "hey, this is not okay", no one else will start saying it either. Because there is nothing easier than keeping the status quo. I'm glad that Sofie Peeters' documentary is causing a ruckus in several countries. Not necessarily just because of the unavoidable emphasis it puts on immigrant men, but because it makes decidedly clear that sexism is not a thing of the past in developed, western countries.
To put it dramatically, the battle is far from over, and to be an active feminist is a good thing - though there are pitfalls to avoid. The goal of feminism is not to put women above men, to bring men down to endure the same injustices, or to simply use it to bitch about how "all men are assholes".
The worst that can happen to feminism is that it keeps its negative connotations, and therefore will not be taken seriously by men and women alike.

"I'm Batman."

A while ago I finally went to see The Dark Knight Rises. Yes, yes, I know, I'm a bit late to the party. But I thought I'd share my observations anyway. So if you're even less up to date than I am, beware of SPOILERS in the following text.

There probably are other reviews by people who have read the comics, seen all the animated series and live-action movies, and maybe even own a figurine or two. That is why I won't bore you with an attempt at analysis of the deeper symbolism in the movie; I'm woefully under-qualified for that.
Instead, I present you with a brief bullet list of things that struck me while watching it.

• The person who told Christian Bale to amp up the gravelly quality of his voice needs to have their hearing checked. It's so ridiculously over the top it nearly made me giggle every time Batman started talking. Not to mention Christian Bale must have been drinking Gollem juice nearly non-stop.
• Also, Christian Bale's mouth looks weird in the mask. And you can't. stop. looking. But that's just a pet peeve of mine.
• Alfred is the most heartbreakingly sweet man ever, and Bruce Wayne doesn't deserve him.
• Anne Hathaway exceeded my apprehensive expectations as Catwoman, and the goggles that coincidentally formed the 'ears' were a very nice touch. Great to see her in a badass role for once.
• Tom Hardy as Bane is extraordinarily intimidating; bulk and posture used extremely well, which makes the big revelation at the end all the more tragic.
• I highly doubt that you would dive into bed with some random acquaintance immediately after you learn the dead love of your life may have never loved you at all - even if you are Bruce Wayne.
• The motorcycle with the revolving wheels is awesome, as is Morgan Freeman, aka God.
• When you're in some hell hole of a prison with your back smashed, after a doctor told you that there's almost no cartilage left in your joints, the last thing they should probably do is shove your vertebrae back into alignment by sheer force.
  After which you will naturally be hung from a looped rope as physical therapy until you can stand independently, which is a sure sign that it's okay to start doing push ups, sit ups and any other kind of 'ups.
  Of course you will have lost none of your muscle tone while you were incapacitated.
  Culminating in two escape attempts which by all rights should break your back again.
  Miraculously, a third attempt sets you free, to return to Gotham and seek retribution.
• That hole-in-the-ground-prison is actually not such a bad idea...
• Poor Bane is forced to endure the worst friendzoning in the history of everything ever.
• Joseph Gordon-Levitt has successfully morphed his adorable baby-face into a credible hardened cop, while still making you want to hug him. Evidence!
• The symbolism of the torn US flag waving in the wind, or the 'Star-spangled Banner' being sung right before the stadium is blown to bits is about as subtle as a punch in the face.
• I suspect Christopher Nolan was in a slight rush to finish the film when he chose that particular take for Talia's death scene. People still unconvinced of its absurdity, watch other people do it.
• I don't really think 1,5 minutes before a nuclear bomb detonates is the right time to explore the possibility of sexy tiemz between you and that sexy Catlady thief.
• The mystery of Batman might (imho) have been better preserved if the whole café scene at the end hadn't been included. Also, that would have effectively ended any speculation about the horrifying possibility of there being a Batman-Robin-Catwoman film in the near future. We've all seen where that can lead, and it's not good:

Nobody wants that.

 

So, do you agree with me or am I about to be denounced as a heathen? No really, I actually think it's a pretty good movie, but some things are just too glaringly obvious to ignore.

In other news, I have slightly updated my reading list, and you may expect another book review in the near future. I imagine you're cheering at the news. Not because I really think you are, but because it makes me feel better.

Overall not a very long post today, but then again this was created in a fit of procrastination, so there you go.

Berlin, I love you

Movie title puns aside, Berlin was absolutely great. I managed to finish my business at the library at record speed - my neck and shoulders will contest the advisability of this - and then had two more days to spend in exquisite leisure with my friend M., who is a Berlin native.

Allow me to illustrate my joy thusly:

For once the weather was impossible to complain about - "too hot" doesn't count when the summer has so far been non-existent - so we sat in an assortment of parks, river banks and lake sides drinking what the Germans call 'water', and what the rest of the world calls 'beer'. If alcohol at 2pm is not your thing, the ever-efficient Germans have a golden compromise: radler! A mix of beer and lemonade, it is the perfect beverage on a hot afternoon. Well, I think so, and that is whose opinion we're following here, so there.

And so, armed with my radler, friend M. and a few of her awesome mates who overcame their shyness and spoke English to me as my German is not yet up to snuff, I explored some places in East-Berlin that I hadn't visited before. I've been in Berlin once before on a school trip in the prehistoric past that I call high school, and we did all the touristy bits then. So this time, I was mostly interested in visiting the Berlin that its regular inhabitants experience. I don't know how far I succeeded, as Berlin is absolutely huge and as I said, we spent most of our time lounging about, drinking beer and talking, but I do think I got a bit of a feel for the city.
While Berlin, and Kreuzberg - the district where we spent most of our time - is very busy and crowded, you don't get the hasty, unfriendly feeling you get in other cities like London and Tokyo. In East-Berlin I had a real 'holiday' feeling (helped, of course, by the gorgeous weather), and felt that you were free to do, wear and say whatever you wanted without being judged. As long as everyone minds their own business, no one cares what you look like. As you might think, this results in some outlandish styles, lots of tattoos and piercings, and some congregations of homeless people. But while my small-town self would feel insecure and even scared in other cities, here I felt fine - but maybe that was also due to the fact that I had some Berlin veterans with me. But even so, I never felt unsafe and thoroughly enjoyed myself looking at all the interesting people, and admiring the graffiti that decorates almost every single building.

This experience, along with conversations with M. and her friends, taught me a valuable lesson about tolerance and preconceptions. Like so many people, I pride myself on being open-minded and accepting of people's differences. Yet I was very surprised at the following discovery:
one of M.'s friends, T., looks like your run-of-the-mill, twenty-something metal fan with a facial piercing and gauges in his ears. But he reads philosophy books, is soft-spoken and thoughtful, and is a kindergarten teacher for Arabic and Turkish kids living in Kreuzberg. That just blew my mind, because not in a million years would I have attached that profession to him, and my first impulse was to be surprised that he even got hired for that job, in the current climate of people being suspicious of men spending time with children.
And then I wondered why I was so surprised.
And I felt ashamed, because I had apparently subconsciously already judged him and placed him in a certain box in society before even talking to him, which is not something I was aware of that I did. So many thanks to T., for showing me an uncomfortable truth about myself, and making me reconsider the way I judge people who are different from what I'm used to. Especially, when he, M. and their other metal-head, tattoo-y and piercing-ed friends made me feel welcome and took the time to get to know me while they absolutely didn't have to. I am humbled, and I will try to remember this for the future, and strive not to judge a book by its cover ever again. Because obviously, I know fuck-all about the difference between stereotypes and real people.